It's been a challenge living with family. I hope that the things that I have experienced since this journey began will help me to better prepare for my future. Sometimes I feel like my future is an unanswered question. Maybe thats how it will always be. I feel like I'm driving down a road in the pitch black of midnight with no headlights and no streetlights. I don't know where I'm going, but the best thing I can hope for is that it will be better than where I've been.
I wish I could be one of those people that says "Oh, this has only brought me closer to God," but I can't. I try so very hard to keep my faith firm. But, at my core I am nothing more than a human with a control complex and the need to see things be resolved. I don't doubt. at my core at least, that God has a will and a plan for this; however, I don't ever feel like I get a break. I feel conflicted. The part of me that grew up in church says "Well, as humans we don't deserve anything God gives us. It's his mercy and grace." I truly believe it, but my human, selfish part of me says that why do others (whether they're "good" or "bad") receive a break and I don't?
thought of the day.
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