Post treatment

This past two weeks have been very hard. I find myself lost and unable to cope with Derrick's post treatment issues. He has had memory issues, confusion, and it is affecting his personality.

I'm having a very hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. I know that's on me, but it's hard to explain why.

A funny thing

Something hilarious happened today. My goddaughter, Jessie, sent me this picture...

But wait, there's a story. Her mom told her that her dad may not make it in time to trick or treat with us on Saturday. So we may go late and just knock on people's doors until they give us candy. She said, "Well, if they act like they don't want to give us the candy we can take Allie with us and throw her at them. She will do this (see picture above) and they will give us candy." So, in short, today proved that Derrick and I have informed too many people of Allie's "claw of doom" and her superb ninja skills. Meanwhile, here's the diva tonight...

One more time...

Let's try this again. I think I find myself going back to this blog when I'm struggling to process my own emotions. So, here goes.

My mom is in the hospital. Her foot is infected-a diabetic ulcer- and they're trying to keep from having to amputate it. She is currently on the 9th floor.

My aunt Carol is also in the hospital; she is on the 10th floor. She's having heart issues and is retaining fluid like crazy. 

If that's not crazy enough, there's my husband. He hasn't been himself in nearly two months. He's in pain constantly and can barely walk. Thank God we have another treatment scheduled for Dec 1st, but that's not coming quickly enough. His pain and depression have been raging. I try not to let it affect me, but it does on occasion.

Most days I feel trapped in a sea of sadness. I wonder what the purpose of all of this is. Is there some big lesson I should learn? Is there someone to whom I should impart wisdom? Is this even about me, or is this continuing to happen because of Derrick not learning his lesson from all of this? 

I hope and pray for deliverance because most days I feel like I've had all I can handle. 

I'm thinking about writing a book--completely unrelated of course. Something fiction and about some place I'd like my life to be in that it will never make it to--an island or some exotic destination. 

Peace and adieu.

No more waiting!!

So after re-reading my last post I'm excited to tell everyone that I did get the job as Director of Career Services!!! I've now been in it for a month and I love it!!

Waiting

I feel like the summation of my life the last four weeks is WAITING. Waiting to hear about a job that I deserve and that I have worked hard to get. Waiting to know if I will be chosen over someone who may look better on paper but lacks the drive and the will that I have. Waiting. I'm just tired of waiting, feeling in limbo. I want to know so that I can plan accordingly. I'm a planner by nature and the not knowing drives me batty!

Myself

Feeling a little more myself today. Still crazy busy and crazy exhausted. Meanwhile I have been trying to lose my wandering spirit and rein myself in. I am going to get my head straight.

Revival

I am reviving this little blog. I know that it is ambitious, but I am going through a lot lately. Maybe someone will read this. Maybe not. Oh well, it's more for me than anyone else.

I need an outlet and this is it. So, tune in if you'd like. If not, peace!